About 2.5 months ago, Roxanna Saberi, an Iranian-American journalist with a revoked press card, attempted to purchase a bottle of wine, was caught, escorted to Evin Prison, and 3 days ago was sentenced to 8 years in jail for espionage. Her closed trial lasted one day and her parents were not allowed to attend. Now, lets back up a bit (like the way cars on highways do in this country sometimes).

A question beckons to be posed here. Why would a spy attempt to purchase alcohol in a country where its illegal? Or better yet:
What sort of spy parties on the job?
Probably not too many.

Perhaps this is a covert hint that maybe she isn’t a spy?
AHA!

BING!

BIIIIIING!
I don’t know the full nature of the investigation or the details so I should refrain from closure.
But, I rest my case.

I was following Saberi’s challenge and taking in a mountain of relevant literature like pints of Guiness over the last week. Why? Because I felt that the verdict on Saberi’s case would be indicative of the current psycho- political climate and how the government is interested in dealing with Americans presently.

More on Saberi here

Two days after the verdict, Ahmadinejad’s Chief of Staff issued a notable letter to the prosecuter dealing with Saberi’s case (and a detained Iranian blogger):
“Based on the president’s insistence, please ensure that all legal proceedings related to the two mentioned people are based on justice… and you personally ensure that the accused have full freedom and legal rights to defend themselves and that their rights are not violated.” (Quoted from Iran Daily)

Phew! ! Thank goodness for this note! Right? I mean, jeez, imagine if the prosecutor wasn’t reminded that justice is involved here. I was getting concerned over the way this was all handled.
The above statement from the President’s office is not a visual hallucination that you just had. The prosecutor/ court was actually reminded that they are a judicial court system, and one that should exersize justice and not implement personal playtime whims.

All legal proceedings should be “based on justice” the president insists?

Isn’t that condition mildly implicit in a judicial hearing? Do humans need water to survive?
Ga ga goo goo?

Goo goo gaga?

Hokey Pokey Mr. Jokey?
I also find it reassuring that the prosecutor is reminded by the President’s office that rights should “not be violated.” That’s a good one.
What sort of signal does it send to the people when the President’s office has to remind the court system that their job is to enforce justice? Are you kidding me?

On the running front (insert Olympic fanfare), the search for the blacklist continues… and also the feeling of digging for dinosaur bones, naked, with only an index finger.

(In the last two years, the Milad tower in Tehran (which resembles the Seattle space needle) has been “almost open….it’ll be probably open in the next few weeks.” Let’s hope this project isn’t stuck in that graveyard of ambition.)

Drumrolllllllllllll…

Who will determine why Macniven was blacklisted first?

Will it be Parliamentary Noz with his self-proclaimed “heavy and heated” investigation into the matter?

Mr. Akbari (our latest MFA link/ expert via Aladdin)?

Mr. Rahimmoshai (the Head of the Cultural Heritage Foundation, and an advisor to the President who we managed to meet via my new attorney)?

Or… a commercial law practitioner based in London (I met a few days back in Tehran who also has offices in Tehran and claims “I’ve met the two bitter people that have jurisdiction over that blacklist” ?

Over 11 Iran Pitch folders have been handed out in the last 14 days. And because of the potentially fragile nature of this project and our relentless peeling to the core, I have been asked to stop blogging by my legal advisor.

But, in all honesty, in these five days of combating the craving to type away, I have had nightmares. Not of being shipped to Evin prison in a box while being force fed gallons of mint yogurt.
But, of stadiums filled with spectators gone sad on me. Of the feeling of personally neglecting a major artery of inspiration: You.

I kept envisioning all the glowing eyes losing sleep over the lack of an update on this wild endeavor to run Iran, frantically going online with insomniac jitteriness while downing pints of goat milk, taking incessant coffee breaks while at work, monstrously biting finger nails, frowning all day long, taking up smoking, and even prematurely ejaculating in hopes of rapidly returning to a laptop in fervently hopeful strides . Let’s be honest here.
I don’t want that for you. And you don’t either.
I can not do that to you. No.
I admit it, I have been bad. Real bad. I have neglected my slightly imaginal but mostly real support system: millions of browsing eyes of multiethnic phenotypes, sitting at a chair (probably comfier than mine) and rooting on this project. And I am sorry. I owe you free stress relief advice. ( I don’t have any at the moment though.)

To be honest, I’m not blogging anything political. I’m just telling the story. I have nothing to hide. So I must resume with finger fervor. Even if bloggers are being jailed. Because, I’m not a spy, (unless of course the definition for “spy” has radically evolved in this country. I should check that out actually.)

So from now on, I will keep you posted more promptly. Unless…. of course, well… let’s not think that way.

In other news of flogging , I tried to make a manual online bill payment through my wells fargo account and my accounts were immediately suspended per US Treasury orders. (The last time this happened was about 5 months back when someone attempted to wire a few hundred dollars to my father in Iran at the time. Unblocking the accounts involved writing to the US treasury and spending hours in various Wells Fargo branches.)

Apparently doing online banking while in Iran is illegal under US sanctions intended to mitigate or combat sponsoring of terrorist activities. It’s considered an “exportation of services.” I just got off the phone with Dan Rivard over at a Foreign Assets Control office in Ohio (or so), and he says, “unless you go to Dubai and prove it… or travel somewhere outside Iran, you will not be able to unfreeze your funds or have access to them.” I explained the reality plainly and slowly, mostly for my own comprehension :
“I was attempting to transfer money from a US bank account to a credit card company in the US. Harmless, right? Where’s the terror in that, bud?”
“As long as you’re in Iran, your bank account is considered Iranian and you cannot credit or debit your account.”

And yet another symphony of challenges that sheds delicate rays of mind karate momentum into the evolving ramifications of lacking diplomacy with Iran. That’s a long one to stomach.

So much for paying mortgage and credit card bills.
Foreclosure?
Ahhh. . . . everyone’s doing it.